Saturday, December 1, 2012

Stress Of Consciousness

I've recently become aware that I live in a near constant state of anxiety. From the time I wake up in the morning until I go to bed at night, I my mind is a constantly churning ocean of thoughts, worries and fears.

Take this morning, for example.

*Internal monologue*

"What.....huh....what is that awful music......oh God it's the alarm ALREADY? *looks at clock* I can go back to sleep for another hour and still get enough done today *zzzzzzz* DAMMIT REALLY? 60 minutes went by that fast? *looks at sunlight coming through window* damn, I'd better get moving, we have to leave the house by what time? oh yeah, in 4 hours....just enough time to do laundry have breakfast shower maybe write a blog -- not like I blog much at all these days since I can never seem to find time and when I do find time I have not motivation -- or maybe not looking at the size of that pile of laundry. And I really need to decide about travel plans for Christmas and WHAT ON EARTH I'm going to get my nephews that already have everything because I WILL NOT be the lame aunt that can't think of anything to get them but a gift card except I don't know what sizes they wear or what games they have or what they even think about besides baseball because I'm a lame aunt who hasn't seen them in a year so I'll probably end up getting gift cards anyway. Well I'd better get the laundry started because otherwise we won't have anything to wear wherever it is we're going today -- oh that's right, hockey game and visiting his sister -- do I even have a pair of jeans that are not only clean but actually fit right now and WHY WHY WHY can I not manage to lose weight when new elliptical is killing my feet (time for a new pair of sneakers?), could it be because the love of my life won't eat leftovers and I'm like a human garbage disposal because my mother taught me not to waste food and I can't find a recipe with a normal serving of anything that only feeds two people without still leaving a whole meal of leftovers? OKAY, time to tackle the laundry pile....and I want EVERYTHING to be clean so I'll head down the house in my house dress *hears noise down the hall* but SHIT the maintenance people are working on the apartment next door so someone else if probably moving in soon and they'll probably see me waiting for the elevator in my house dress with no bra on because it needs to go in the laundry AND THEY'LL TOTALLY BE ABLE TO TELL I'M NAKED UNDER THE HOUSE DRESS unless I can hold the detergent and fabric softener bottles just right so it's not that obvious.... OH JEEZ the maintenance guy with the paint cart is trying to talk to me while I'm trapped in the elevator PLEASE GET TO THE GROUND FLOOR and now there are MORE PEOPLE in the laundry room--can't I just have a moment to put in my laundry and escape? *Breathe just breathe.....*"

And I'm officially two hours into my day.

Does anyone else have this problem? Am I going crazy? Is it a December thing? And how can the love of my life sleep peacefully through all this?