The Thought Locker: Coast-to-Coast Edition

With my mini-break to Delaware over, today was, dare I say, rather eventful. Herewith, some thoughts on the joys of a long day getting across the country....

• I had A LOT of fun with my Foursquare checkins on this trip, but Foursquare and I disagreed on a couple of locations. Can someone tell me how I can get a message that says "Your phone thinks you're a little far from the Route 404, so no points or badges for this checkin" when I'm STOPPED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DARN ROAD waiting for the construction flagger to alternate turns so my lane can go? In happier Foursquare news, I am now the Mayor of 4 more locations.
  

• I think it's pretty lousy of Hertz not to apply the discount I keyed in WHEN I MADE THE RESERVATION until AFTER I returned the car and noticed my bill total was wrong. Yeah, trying to get me to pay $158 when you know darn well it should only be $39. I wonder how many people fall for that?

• Attention pilots! Don't say we might get a few light bumps after you ask the flight attendants to take their seats. If they're sitting, we're in for a ride. The experienced fliers aren't fooled for a second.

• Words you don't want to hear when making a connection on a late in-bound plane -- "They're holding the plane for you...."
  

• For some reason I only get a pile of mail when I'm gone. Of course, the only piece I really cared about was this one:

• I thought my roller bag was a little noisier than usual on the way home. When I was unpacking it, I discovered why. This....
  

Is supposed to look more like this...



I think I need a break from my break!

The Thought Locker: Stanley Cup Championship Edition

Watching the finale of the Stanley Cup Play-offs while sitting at the bar in the Rainbow Lounge before a show at the Roxy was such a Los Angeles ending to a Cinderella story of a series. This is why I love my life. I only hope the pundits are right and the Kings are modeling the Blackhawks development curve. Watching Johnny "Captain Serious" Toews lift that Cup just made me want my boys to do it that much sooner.

I had some other thoughts too...

• If the goal that won the series doesn't have you convinced the "Hockey Gods" exist, nothing will. While Patrick Kane was looking up and saying "Thank you for liking me, guys!," Michael Leighton was looking down and thinking "What did I do to offend you?"

• Speaking of Patrick Kane, is there any greater argument that mistakes are eventually forgiven? The guy goes from beating up a cab driver before the season even starts to becoming the hero of the Stanley Cup Final.
  

• Probably none of my hockey buddies are happier right now than Erika Zimmerman. After changing her Twitter handle several times during the regular NHL season, something tells me she'll be sticking with Hattrickkane for a while!

• Could Patrick Sharpe be any hotter? He looked good enough at Staples Center in March...

...but the playoffs proved he can work the play-off beard too.

• Thanks to the Chicago Tribune, no NHL forward needs to fear Chris Pronger any longer. They can just imagine him in a figure skating skirt, laugh, and skate right by him from now on.

• The Blackhawks win also meant that I won a bet with my friend and favorite Philly Fanatic Tammy Good. I'm now 2-2 in bets on big games, since I also won my Olympic bet on Team Canada. Maybe if I had bet someone on the Kings clearing round 1, it would have happened. Better get my money ready for Frozen Fury weekend now...
  

The Thought Locker: Head Scratching Edition

• Have you ever noticed how certain products refer themselves as "lightly salted," but you never find anything advertised as "heavily salted?" I think salt gets a bad rap. I'm gonna buy stock in the first product I find that advertises it's loaded with extra salt.

• The subject line of an e-mail I received from Victoria's Secret a couple of weeks ago intrigued me. " Be a Beach Bombshell: New MIRACULOUS Bikini adds 2 Cup Sizes!" So what happens when the guy that hits on you thinking he's scored a "Beach Bombshell" sees you WITHOUT the bikini? Sounds like a not-so-small "truth in advertising" problem to me.
  

• Whoever the masochist is at Southwest Airlines that decided you can't use the free drink coupons for Monster Energy drinks needs to be stuck sitting next to me on a long flight when I haven't had enough caffeine. Because I'm going to get drunk on my stack of otherwise unusable drink coupons and they get to drive me to my hotel when I land.

• According to Southwest Airlines magazine, America's 16 largest hotels are all in Las Vegas. The fact that the Las Vegas Airport isn't even closely proportionate in size explains the length of the security lines.
  

• For some reason I have an uncontrollable urge to say "Moooooooo!" whenever I see a cow while driving. So even though mooing while exiting on Route 12 to Napa to go wine tasting seemed inconsistent with the occasion, I did it anyway.

• Why do the best sunsets always happen when there isn't a convenient place to pull over and I only have a camera phone?

The Thought Locker: Crazy Weekend Edition

• Having the elevator door open just as you push the button is one of life's simple pleasures.

• Who decided peanuts are the best snack to serve on planes anyway?

• When you are confronted by multiple idiot drivers on your way to work, it's a sign you should just go home.

• How can you burn the candle at both ends? Only one end has a wick.

• Anyone who thinks you can't train cats to do stupid tricks as easily as dogs hasn't spent much time on YouTube.

• Why does the first stretch of sunny weather have to make my skin drier than the Sahara? All I want to do is put the top down on my car! I have to moisturize too?

• Only a Facebook application can turn my sister into my 11 year old nephew's "Lover of the Day."

• No matter how much I plan otherwise, I will always wait until the week before my taxes are due...to do them.
  

The Thought Locker: Life's Little Annoyances Edition

• If you can't lift your carry-on bag into the overhead bin of a plane without flagging down help, maybe you shouldn't carry it on.

• The "expert traveler" security line at the Burbank Airport is the longest one. Apparently everyone here is an insufferable know-it-all.

• I actually made a playlist of "Music That Makes Me Cry." Because if I ever follow my lifelong dream of acting, I need motivation, and certain music just does it for me. That and cute dog food commercials.

• Why are slow people always in your way when you're trying to run errands quickly? In one night, I was stalled by a 10 minute decision process on chewing gum and a dude with a stack of recycling receipts he was trying to cash in.

• I love those little 100 calories packs of cookies. But 100 calorie pack Twinkies? What's the point, really?

• I normally would not complain about my coffee being hot. But when you order a Venti size because you're 15 minutes drive from the airport and hope to finish it BEFORE you get to security, getting it SCALDING so you have to spend 15 minutes getting it to cool down doesn't really meet your needs, now does it?

• An earthquake is not a fun way to wake up...especially at 4 AM.

• This cartoon proves hockey guys are not only HOT, but hilarious! Justin Bourne, if you weren't already engaged to a wonderful woman, I'd hunt you down and beg you to marry me.

The Thought Locker: Hump Day Edition

• Nothing makes me feel more naked than forgetting to wear my rings. Except maybe forgetting my watch. Not feeling those small amounts of weight where they're supposed to be every day deeply disturbs my equilibrium in ways I can't quite explain.
  

• Someone at the Department of Defense should be investigating the potential for human hair as a weapon of mass destruction. Especially my hair. The way it's been clogging drains lately, I think it could bring down a developing country if introduced into the ecosystem correctly.

• My life is like an unmade bed. Really happy things go on there, but it's also a mess.

• Saying "Thank you" goes a long way. So does "I'm sorry."

• One of my pet peeves is other people moving my laundry out of a machine to make room for theirs. But If I leave it sitting for 20 minutes after the cycle has stopped, and every other machine is full, I have no one to blame but myself. I hope the person in my building with the load of dark clothes I just moved (including the 4 horribly gaudy Christian Audigier t-shirts) feels the same way.

• When will I learn that my "weekends with no plans so I have time to catch up" never end up that way? At this rate, I'll be behind until 2012. Thankfully the world ends that year, so I'll finally be able to stop worrying about being behind.

• And while we're on the subject of time flying, can someone please tell me where February went? Apparently I blinked too long, and when I opened my eyes it was March.
  

The Thought Locker: February Travel Edition

• I always wanted to be such a high-powered, important business person that I could fly in an out of a city the same day for a meeting, just because it was so critical for me to be there. I have finally arrived! It's overrated.

• I have never wanted to return to my hotel room and find that the toiletries were replaced and fresh towels were added, but the bed didn't get made. Did someone use my room for a quickie while I was out?

• I admit I have never met a drain that my hair can't clog. But does it have to happen when I'm up at 4 AM trying to get ready for a butt-ass early flight? I already hate early mornings, so I seriously didn't need ANOTHER challenge, but thanks for playing.

• If you don't think caffeine is a drug, hang with me for a while when I'm overdue for a Starbucks hit.

• The Burbank Airport has the best music ever! Firmly rooted in the 80's...right where airport music should be.

• I love German engineering. My car politely alerted me to potential road ice the other morning via a chiming noise and a snowflake added to the temperature display. I was waiting for it to tell me I had mistakenly traveled all night and driven across the border into Canada as well, but sadly, I was headed to Burbank. Burbank, California. Yeah, I know....

• Delays due to frost on the windshield of a plane in February? Sure! In Burbank, CA? Huh???? And who knew you can't use de-icer because of EPA regulations? OK, I'm confused. If you can't user de-icer how the hell do you ever get planes in cold climates off the ground in the winter? Turns out they do....CA is just nuts.
  


• Southwest...still the coolest airline, if for no other reason than advertising creativity.

• Hertz.....are you trying to kill me now? At least you rented me a car with no damage, so thanks for that. But this message was a little worrisome....
  

• Attention germ freaks: You can't avoid germs on an airplane. Just put away your stinky sanitizer wipes away and stay home. You're still getting sick and now my plane smells.

• For some reason, I was a middle seat magnet this week. EVERY flight I was on was 50-75% full. Every time, someone sat next to me in the middle seat even when there was an aisle or window available in another row. GO AWAY!

• And finally....Arizona, would you PLEASE observe daylight savings time like the rest of the West?

The Thought Locker: Good Things, Idiots, and Ladies Men

• One of the joys of cleaning out your huge stash of cosmetics is finding something you dearly love and forgot you had. Why didn't I buy 12 bottles of Valentino's "Gold" perfume when they were still making it? Now I'm afraid to touch the travel sample bottle I have left because when it's gone, it's never coming back. My favorite perfume EVER, and now I can't find it anywhere. I Googled it, checked Sephora...and I'm at a loss. If anyone can help, hit me up.
  

• Technology is amazing. I simply love that my 11 year old nephew can e-mail me something random like "heyy aunt meg we just got like 2 feet of snow" and totally make my day.
  

• Chai Tea is simply the perfect way to unwind after a long day. I found a new one that has a little touch of coconut in it. I could just sit and inhale that smell for days and be happy!
  


• In the February issue of Vanity Fair, there is an article about the movie "Ishtar," which in it's time was the biggest bomb in the history of moving making. That's an amazing feat, especially considering Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman were involved. But there was a section in the article that intrigued me. Hoffman was recounting a discussion with Beatty, then the most notorious ladies man in Hollywood, asking him whether, given the opportunity, Beatty would "Make love to any and every woman." When Beatty confirmed he would, Hoffman asked why, to which Beatty replied "Because...you never know." Hoffman's observation on this was interesting. He said "I thought that was the most romantic thing I'd ever heard a man say, because he was talking about spirits uniting." I'm a little in love with Dustin Hoffman for seeing romanticism in that. I don't think I could have. Although I'm still undecided on whether it's really that romantic or just the best justification for sleeping around in the history of the world. Opinions?
  


• Dear Los Angeles drivers: I know it's strange when they put the freeway on-ramp on the left side of the highway. If you want to exit there, please just kindly put on your left turn signal to let me know. Otherwise, understand that I will ride up your tailpipe, honk at you, and assume you are just an ordinary non-driving moron that goes 35 mph in the fast lane. No offense, of course.

• And finally, to the fine folks at the US Postal Service. Please tell me why you have automated postage machines that can label my package, tell me how much it will cost to send, and actually SELL me the postage working around the clock. Then you foil my plans by locking the package container for no reason.
  

The Thought Locker: Things I Miss About Canada Edition

• Tim Horton's commercials. How can you NOT love Sidney Crosby as a Timbit? Really!

• Cold crisp air. I love heat, but something about cold air just makes you feel alive.

• Talking about hockey with everyone from the door guy to the waitress at the sports bar to the security guy at the airport that conducted a hand search of my luggage.

• My ear warmer, which also functioned very well as a headband.

• Having my only wardrobe decision of the day be which hockey jersey to wear.
  

• The Harbour Sports Grille's French onion soup. Warms you from the inside out on a cold winter's day.

• The Westin Mac & Cheese. The most unusual presentation ever, combined with all that crunchy goodness on top, all eaten from the comfort of your bed....very cozy.

• Seeing a hockey game or highlights on almost every channel at any hour of the day.

• Seeing my Kings LIVE. Hockey on TV just isn't the same. Thank goodness they'll be home Tuesday! GO KINGS GO!
  

The Thought Locker: Las Vegas Travel Edition

• Just once, I would love to have my rental car upgraded when I can actually enjoy it. This one is only fun when it's not raining.

• Leave it to Las Vegas to ruin a perfectly good muscle car by putting purple neon glow-stick material in the cup holder.

• Sometimes a late night drive-thru really comes in handy.

• Only in Henderson, NV do you check into a hotel and are advised there is no one in the room above you, so you won't be disturbed by any loud noises.

• I wonder how often the rental car shuttle driver has to collect cocktails people shouldn't be bringing them on the bus...and where exactly do they go....

• A request to my fellow travelers...When 75% of the flights going through an airport are delayed and everyone and their mother is trying to sit down and eat, please do not take up enough space for 4 people unless you are a party of 4 people! We'll all get through this if everyone shares just a little.

• A "charging station" with no lights and non-working power outlets is a cruel joke.

• Nothing about being delayed leaving this place on a Monday night says "Party!"
  

The Thought Locker: Random Friday Edition

Sometimes I just get a crazy craving for really cheap, bad-for-you food. So when I saw the blue and orange box on the end cap at Target, I knew I had to have it.



Making a box of Kraft Mac & Cheese is one of life's simple pleasures. Of course, it must be made - and eaten - with my favorite beat-up wooden spoon. It's the first thing I ever stole from my Mom's kitchen when I got my own place after college, and it's still my very favorite thing to cook with. Yes, it's enough pasta for 4 people. But I ate the whole thing. Directly out of the saucepan. Because I can. It's one of the last joys of single life, right up there with drinking milk straight from the carton. Because when you're single, no one's looking.



The junk food gods must have pushed me towards that box of Mac & Cheese, because I needed some comfort food when I arrived home to this:



And a fine layer of dust over EVERYTHING in my apartment.



They're redoing all the hallways in the building, so everything looks like this right now:



It's supposed to look great when it's done. Of course, it was supposed to be done TODAY based on the schedule the building sent out before Christmas. But as anyone who has lived in California for any period of time knows, nothing around here gets done on time or on budget. I guess that explains why the state is such a financial mess right now and why our leader is know as "The Governator."

On the plus side, my weekend to-do list is one item shorter. No point in cleaning this weekend, since it's pretty much a losing battle until they get the hallway cleaned up.

And since I was trying not to get covered in dust coming in the door as I was sipping my second Starbucks of the day, I managed to spill coffee down the front of my light colored 100% silk blouse. Thank goodness it's hand-washable....



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Is it just me, or does the baby on the Q-Tip package look like it's thinking, "Hey Mom, I'm sure you know what you're doing, but are you REALLY gonna stick that up my nose? "




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When a fun Friday night in Los Angeles is watching a beer league hockey game, you know you're either

• A) hopelessly addicted to hockey in any form
  
• B) A really awesome friend
• C) Both

I answered C.



Props to Mikey, Tim and the Caribou team. You deserved a win, even though Mikey went to the box and couldn't get a sniff at the goal crease. Tim - your goal rocked, man.

"Zinc Your Pups"

Right now I'm sitting at the dining table, listening to the Kings game on the radio and addressing Christmas cards. The Kings game is stress relief, while the Christmas cards are part of the stress sandwich that is my current to-do list. I love the holidays, but fighting a cold with this much to get done just sucks. With that in mind, here's a short list of some of the thoughts rattling around in my brain at the moment.

• Envelope glue just tastes awful. Someone needs to come up with cherry flavored envelope glue. If they can add cherry flavor to make cough medicine taste better, why can't it work with envelope glue?

• I can now confirm the Vicks-on-your-feet-with-socks trick works! Why, I have absolutely no idea, but I don't care. I'm breathing with more ease than I have in days, which is all that matters to me at this point. I was having a conversation with my girlfriend Denise about Vicks, which Mom always put on my nose when I was sick growing up. Denise has a term for it -"Zinc your sniffer." So I've decided putting Vicks on your feet should be referred to as "Zinc your pups." An old boss of mine always used to tell me her "Dogs are barking" when she was on her feet in high heels all day, but "Zinc your dogs" just doesn't have the same ring as "Zinc your pups."

• I'm up to two Starbucks drinks a day. This is not good. The extra caffeine may have me thinking I've got more energy than I do. This is known as a dilemma, both because I love Starbucks and the extra energy. Or maybe I just need that sweet pepperminty flavor to stay in the holiday spirit...

• I could ALMOST live on Progresso chicken noodle soup, Zone Perfect dark chocolate almond energy bars, and chamomile tea if my life depended on it. I like where it's putting me on the scale! Maybe I should write a diet book....

But my most disturbing thought is questioning if I am actually feeling better? Or is the adrenaline kicking in as I realize I still have a BOATLOAD of things to do before I get on a plane Saturday?

The Thought Locker - Post-Thanksgiving-Holiday Sickness Monday Blues Edition

• You know how people always tell you when you're having a tough time, "Just sleep on it. Everything will look better in the morning." Sometimes that works. Sadly, today it did not.
  

• When I woke up at 4 AM from 8 hours of drug induced coma, my first 5 minutes of consciousness included these thoughts, in no particular order - "I should get up right now...if I get up now I'll be a zombie by 2 pm....didn't get the laundry done last night...what the hell am I going to wear today...do I have clean pants or do I have to shave my legs?...crap! Addie's birthday is Thursday and I haven't sent a gift yet...where is that Pottery Barn Kids catalog....ugh, I can't breathe....*cough, cough, cough* now where is the Kleenex....haven't ordered Christmas cards yet...wonder how much I'll have to suck up for rush shipping...do I really only have 3 weeks until I leave for Christmas?...hmmm, I'm in Irvine Tuesday for a meeting, so I COULD go see the Kings-Ducks game at Honda Center....arrghh that might be pushing it...you still feel like crap....screw it, I'm going back to bed."
  


• I wish there was a way to download the feelings you have during the best and worst moments in your life and save them for later. That way, when you're having a pity party along the lines of "I've never felt this sick in my life" you can go back to that previous time, relive the feelings and compare them to what you're experiencing now. It would really help me know whether I'm truly on the brink of death or not that sick and just complaining too much.
  

• I just smeared Chap-Stick on my nose. Even with lotion-infused tissue, I still look like Rudolph and I can't stand it. My regular moisturizer isn't helping, so it was time for plan B. No idea if this will actually work or not. Then again, maybe supermodels have been keeping this a secret for years and were just too embarrassed to tell anyone it helps.

• One unexpected benefit of cold medication containing anti-histamines is the temporary elimination of my oily skin. I normally would have blotted and re-powdered the shiny spots a couple of times by now, but I'm dry as the Sahara.

• Sometimes there just isn't enough Starbucks in the world to make it better....
  

The Thought Locker

One of the first things I learned as a trainer was the acronym CASE - Copy And Steal Everything. It's a great way of saying don't spend time reinventing the wheel when a perfectly good one already exists. CASE has become one of the axioms of my daily existence.

So I read a couple of posts where my buddy Justin Bourne blogs about cleaning out the "Thought Locker." It's a nice way to discuss ideas that don't warrant expansion into an entire blog post, but are worth sharing. And JT is a pretty laid back dude, as well as a hockey buddy (yes, I can tie ALMOST everything in my current life to hockey), so I'm sure he won't mind me CASE'ing him.

So without further ado, the contents of my "Thought Locker."

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• Starting a sentence or conversation by telling someone not to take something the wrong way pretty much guarantees you think they WILL take it the wrong way.

• Nothing is more fun than helping someone learn something g new, which is sometimes a case of the blind leading the blind. Tanya and I laughed ourselves silly Friday night figuring out how to log her on to Skype. I'm on the Internet reading help boards on her computer model and trying to figure out where the mic on her laptop is, since I could see but not hear her. She had user manual out. Thank God we're both trainers, so EVENTUALLY we figured it out. I think we giggled for a solid minute once we saw AND heard each other on screen!
  

• Realism is really pessimism in sheep's clothing. Or a way of sitting on the fence and hedging your bets. You're still saying to yourself, "Yeah, it could be awesome but it could also not work, so let's just be ready if it doesn't. Still not unconditional faith in success, hence not optimism.

• Some days, life is like an obstacle course. Last night, I came home from the Kings game and the lobby of my building (and hence access to the elevators) was closed to redo the floor tile. On the way to work the next morning, I had to deal with idiot drivers and dumpsters in right turn lanes - let's just say I did a lot of swerving. Thank God for German engineering.
  

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So that's all I have on the miscellaneous blog post front. The "Thought Locker" may or may not become a recurring topic, but we'll create a tag for it just in case...thanks for letting me CASE Bournie :)