For a whole host of reasons, Wednesday, March 24 was wretched. Absolutely wretched.
I was working away at a series of tasks at work that, while necessary, bore me to tears. I had to get up earlier than usual to report to work to do things that don't motivate me. And when I get unmotivated, I get distracted. And I look for things to make me feel better. Not always more motivated, mind you, just better. That's when the Godiva chocolate arrived. And it was the straw that broke the camel's back.
Dark chocolate covered coconut. A lot of it. I couldn't stop. And it was the ultimate low point in a terrible couple of days of eating that have been driven by nothing but stress and conflict avoidance. Catering sandwiches, cookies, salt & vinegar chips....I get depressed just thinking about it. And now I feel so terrible about falling off the food wagon, I worked myself up into a near panic attack.
I'm a hamster on a wheel right now -- just running with no plan, no idea where I'm going. I feel terrible physically, I haven't been sleeping well, and I have a pain in my lower back over my right hip that won't go away. I feel completely out of control and terribly lost. And the worst part is, I have no idea how it started. It's like a storm surge that's been slowly building, and finally the wave got big enough and just wiped me out.
Where do I go from here? I have no idea...
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