Confessions of a Sick Mind

All kinds of crazy things go through my mind when I'm sick with a cold. Maybe it's the drugs. Maybe it's the way my psyche handles feeling out of sorts. Either way, it's nutty and I'm confident enough in myself to share my nuttiness.

Here's a small sample of my brain waves from the last 24 hours. Enjoy while I go back to bed...

• If there was a nasal use approved version of Drano Pipe Snake available, I'd buy stock in it right now.
• Green is a beautiful, natural color. Just not when it comes in the form of snot and mucus.
• I'm glad engineers are making progress on self-driving cars, because driving and sneezing/blowing your nose are ideally NOT activities that should be done together.
• No makeup and Eau De Vicks Vapo-Rub is very sexy.
• When your local pharmacy drive thru has a wait longer than Taco Bell at 2AM on a Saturday, you know you're surrounded by lots of sick people.
• When it's 70 degrees and you're wearing a coat, you MUST be sick.
• Do germs have feelings? If so, they're probably offended we refer to our colds with terms like "rotten" and "nasty." Maybe if we used words like "cute," "cuddly" and "nice" the germs would treat us better.
• If gravity can make parts of my body sag when I DON'T want them to, why can't it drain my nose when I NEED help?